So, here's where I'm at. Let's take stock. I have been studying at a small-ish college here in Vancouver for the last 2 years, pursuing a diploma in environmental studies. I love my field, I have an intense passion for the environment. But, I reached a point this semester where I just couldn't be there anymore. I think a lot of people get to that stage where school is just not doing it for them and, like those people, I needed to get away. This semester, I dropped my first class, chemistry, the only course I have not completed in over 4 years of post-secondary education. I thought it would be excruciating to do, but it was one of the most freeing experiences of my life. It was at that moment that I really understood just how much control I have over my life, even though it doesn't always feel that way. It was a very tough semester, because my heart just wasn't in it. I love the environment, but I was sick of learning about it in a classroom. I needed to get out of there.
So, here I am. It's the start of summer and I am ready to make some changes. Making these decisions has not been easy. I had brunch last month with my three sisters, just as I was finishing up school. When we get together, it's always a loud, gossipy adventure where we all tell each other what's going on in our lives. Sarah's in her third year of med school and busy with rotations, Gill's having a baby with her husband in 2 months and they've bought a new house, and Kristine's loving her job at the clinic and living with her new boyfriend. Even my twin brother Jeff has his shit together; he's married and him and his wifejustboughtahousetogetherthattheyarenowrenovatingfsdxunxdrugxdrluxdrux dr blah blah blah!
It was a lot to take in. I looked at my life and thought, "what's going on with me?" I work at a job that I hate, serving people eggs and listening to them complain about their food. I am frustrated with school. I have thousands of dollars in student loan debt and absolutely nothing to show for it. I feel tired, depressed, and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.
On the upside, I have an amazing boyfriend who I live with. He's the best thing in my life right now, but being in a great relationship isn't what makes me ME. I realized that I wasn't happy with where my life was going. I saw the path that my siblings were on...you know the one! The "go to school, get a job, get married, buy a house, have a baby" path. I always thought that's where I was going to. But I suddenly realized that that's not me at all, that I don't have to follow that progression if i don't want to! It was an amazing epiphany. I cried, and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I could do whatever I wanted to! Amazing...
So, here I am now. I quit my stupid corporate restaurant job (one of the things on my list to do....CHECK!) and got another restaurant job, but in a funky, independent Caribbean restaurant where I listen to reggae all day and get to wear whatever I want. I can display my piercings proudly and finally get that tattoo that I've wanted for years. I am fixing up our house in preparation for my parents' arrival in June. They live overseas and only come home in the summer. This year, they are staying with us and I can't wait! My parents are two of the coolest people I know....yet I still somehow feel terrified to tell them of my new life plan...
Now for the list. I made a list of tangible goals that I want to achieve in the next...I don't know yet. I haven't set a time limit, but I probably should. Here's what I have so far:
1) Find cool, new job (check)
2) Join a choir
3) Buy a yoga pass and actually go! 3 times a week
4) Write and polish off 5 new songs by the end of June
5) Perform in an open mic with the above mentioned new song by the end of June
6) Get my driver's license (I'm 23 for fuck's sake)
7) Minimize my wardrobe and donate it all to charity
8) Plan and save for my tattoos
9) Stop biting my nails (I'm 23 for fuck's sake)
10) Think of something special to do for Mark
I know the list will grow and hopefully it will also shrink while I check these off. I also want to take some lessons, like art classes and guitar lessons, but those will enter the list when I start making money at the cool, new job. Every day is an adventure now and I can't wait for it to start.