Where I Belong...

September 23rd, 2010

I've spent the last three weeks of my life in a hazy cloud of bliss. I wake up at 7 every morning, hop on the bus, and spend the hours of my day surrounded by music and people who love music. I walk through the halls and hear jazz trios rehearsing in one room and a bass guitarist practicing riffs in another. I spend my mornings learning about the history of Medieval plainchant melodies and my afternoons singing Williams' Mass in G Minor. I LOVE MY LIFE!

School is amazing (In case you didn't get that from the "hazy cloud of bliss" comment). It is definitely a lot of work, and I'm finding myself having the occasional moment of confusion and frustration (it is still school, after all), but for the most part, I am learning a lot and really enjoying myself! I got into the Capilano University Singers choir and have rehearsals three times a week! It's a great group and we're doing some really awesome, challenging material. My classes are SO interesting and I'm meeting some really cool people!

So, everything is going great! Mark's birthday is on Saturday so we're going to do something fun over weekend. I'm making dinner for him, Kristine, Nate and I tomorrow night and then we're probably going to go dancing on Saturday. I'm looking forward to the weekend and to pampering Mark a little bit. He works so hard and he deserves a few days to let loose. It should be fun!

I'm staying home from school today because I'm feeling really sick. I've had a sore throat and painful cough for a few days now. And, since I only have one class today, I thought it would be a good day to stay home and get some rest. I'm also going to get caught up on some homework and laundry.

Life is so good. It feels wonderful to feel like I'm finally where I belong.

- Heather

A fresh, new start.

Today is September 1st. The first day of the first month of the start of my music career.

Yay! :)

I can't even begin to describe how excited I am. I just cannot wait to get started! I almost feel like I've been waiting to do this for the last 8 years and now I'm just making up for lost time. I feel like I've finally arrived.

So, I work one more day this week and then Mark, Nate, Kristine and I are going camping for 4 days at Harrison Lake. I'm excited for one last weekend of crazy, drunken, debauchery before I buckle down and become a straight-A student. I had my audition for the Cap University Singers last Tuesday and it went very well. I'm really hoping I get in! It will be a lot of work if I do, but it will also be amazing for my career and a really awesome opportunity. I will also still be singing with the church choir at CMUC, so it's going to be a busy semester. Work is starting to really pick up, and I think that I'll be okay to just work two days a week, Saturday all day and Tuesday nights, with the occasional Sunday night shift. I've also started going to yoga regularly at a studio in Lynn Valley, and have been enjoying my classes there immensely. I'm planning on buying a pass so that I can go a few times a week once I'm in school.

So, there ya have it! Life is so good right now! School has almost begun, work is lucrative, the weather is gorgeous, my boyfriend loves me, I love me, and everything is coming up roses. Seriously, I don't think I've ever been so happy and excited in my entire life! Life is grand :)

I will find out about the choir on the 13th. Until then, I'm going to focus on having a TON of fun this Labour Day long weekend, and then buckle down for the start of the semester.

I'm hungry, time for dinner!

- Heather

Every day is a test.

I don't get yelled at often. I am not one for heated confrontations with strangers. In fact, I was raised very well by my parents, and was always taught to use my manners. I consider myself a very courteous person, and am quick to recognize when I have made a mistake or hurt someone, and always try to right my wrongs.

So, you can understand when I was a little shocked at my encounter with a woman in the grocery store today. I have just returned back from the farm market on Lonsdale and I need to write about this story, because it left me feeling slightly jarred and I need to get a few things off of my chest.

I was at the till, getting ready to pay for my fruits and veggies. I noticed that there was a collection of cute little basil plants on sale and I thought about how nice it would be to take one home (I had a new green pot that I thought would fit these herbs quite nicely). I went to reach over to get a plant, but there was a woman nearby them, looking over the chips nearby. I decided I would just pay for the plant and then pick one afterwards, so that I wouldn't disturb the woman. But the girl at the counter wanted a choice, and I could tell that this woman was probably also waiting to pay for her groceries, so I started to pick one out and the girl at the till came over to the plants to help me take one. I gently tried to reach and point one out for her to take over to the till, without disturbing the woman, but I guess she thought I was encroaching on her space. She turned around and said to me,"Why don't you say excuse me and pick out your damn plant already!"

I kind of chuckled, because I actually thought she was kidding. I mean, do people really pick fights like that in real life? Our conversation went on something like this:

Me: "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be rude. I apologize!"

Crazy Lady: "Oh right, you're sorry! All you Vancouver people, come in here, you're so rude!! Think you're so great...."

I apologized again, but she wasn't hearing me. So, I turned towards the counter girl while she finished ringing through my food. I was in utter shock and disbelief at the things this woman was saying.

Me: "Pffftt..."

Crazy Lady: "PFFFTT... PPFFTT....PFFFTTT...." (mimicking me)

At this point, I just ignored her and paid for my groceries, while the counter girl and I shared a "WTF?" look. As I was leaving, I turned to the woman, looked her in the eye and, with complete sincerity, said, "I hope you have a nice day". She retorted with contempt in her voice, "Well, I always DO!".

I left the grocery store feeling hurt and confused. I couldn't get over the things she was saying and I had to fight back a few tears. I mean, even though I knew I hadn't done anything wrong, I am an extremely sensitive person and things like this really affect me. I think, in some way, I could tell that this woman must be suffering somehow in her life, so much that she feels a need to act this way. Maybe I was taking on some of her pain, but whatever it was, I felt like shit.

I had to take a couple of deep breaths and remind myself that there was nothing else I could have done. By the time I made it back to my apartment building, I felt a bit better. I knew that she was obviously going through something that had nothing to do with me.  But then, I started to feel angry at myself. Not for the same reasons that this woman was angry with me, but because I started to feel a little like a doormat. I was trying so hard to be understanding and mature in our interaction that I totally failed to stand up for myself. This lady had attacked me, insulted me, and made assumptions about me without knowing anything about who I was. Maybe I should have called her on that. You can't go through life being cruel to people, and you can't get away with insulting people who you don't at all know. A part of me thinks I was too nice and maybe should have put this lady in her place.  But, I can't go back in time with my well-thought out remarks and give her my two cents. Just like George Costanza with his "jerk-store comeback", I was destined to life my life wondering what would have happened if I had stood up to my attacker.

So, now I'm feeling a little confused about the whole thing. Should I be proud of myself and my "WWJD?" attitude? Or should I be disappointed that I didn't stand up for my own integrity? Or, maybe the root of the problem is that I am secretly a little jealous of this woman, for the way that she bitched me out and called me on my shit. I guess that could be a part of it as well. Maybe I wish I had the guts that she had...

For now, I'm going to rest assured knowing that I tried to be the bigger person and I'm going to transcend the negative energy that she was trying to push on me. Seriously, every day is a test. Life throws these things at you, when you least expect them, and then the Universe sits back to see how you're going to react with you cross paths with crazy  people and crazy situations. Except, it's a lot easier to deal with when you have a clear indication of whether or not you passed.......

- Heather

Turn that frown sideways and throw it out the window!

I have a pretty wonderful life.

I consider myself quite lucky. I have a great family, awesome friends, an amazing boyfriend, and a fun job. I just got accepted into a competitive music program and am starting down the career path of my dreams.

Yet, there is still this nagging, pulling weight on my shoulders, that won't let me relax or enjoy the wonderful things around me. I teeter totter back and forth between brushing it off and struggling under its heavy load.

I wish there were no such thing as money, or credit cards, or even debt for that matter. I know that I'm young and that my debt situation will probably just get worse as I get older. But, I still can't help but feel a little depressed. Sometimes I feel like I'm a winner in everything else in my life, but this one issue contributes to some epic fail that overshadows everything good that I do. It seems like even if I'm good to others, treat people well, try really hard and, in general, try to be a decent human being, all of my efforts just get canceled out by this stupid, financial mess that I've gotten myself into. I feel like a failure.

And then, I wake up suddenly and slap myself across the face. "What are you doing? Shut up and suck it up already!" I mean, if this is the worst thing going on in my life right now, I've got it pretty good. There are people all over the world who are suffering...REALLY suffering, and worrying about bigger things than their credit card payments. Maybe I should just take my frown, turn it sideways and throw it, boomerang-style out the window. Seriously.... grow up.

My meeting with the financial advisor at TD this morning was a joke. I basically spent the better part of the hour listening to this guy give me budgeting tips and advice on my spending. "Yeah, dude...I've been there already...the budget's been drawn and I'm working on it..." I learned a little about cash secured lines of credit and ways to consolidate some debt, but I left our meeting just feeling depressed and like I was 18 again, a young chicken who knows little of the grown-up hen-world in front of her. "If you can just make your payments on time, if you can just put some money in a savings account..." If I knew how to do that, I wouldn't be here! That's where you're supposed to come in! BAH!

Okay, so where does this leave me? I feel tempted to hop on Craigslist and search for a second job. I feel tempted to sell a guitar or two for some cash (blasphemy!). Do people pay for witty banter? Charisma? If only I could get paid for writing this blog... hmmmm....

For now, I'll do what I do best and keep my head up above water. I knew that this positive attitude would come in handy sometime :)

- Heather

The Euphoria of Jogging

Yesterday I went for a jog for the first time in my life.

Well, that's not completely true. I tried it once, about 7 years ago. I don't really count that past attempt since it involved me running to the end of my street and then walking back to my house again, realizing that I just wasn't up for this kind of physical activity. Since that fateful day, I guess I just concluded that running wasn't my thing...

But that has all changed now. Running may be my thing! Mark and I went for a nice, relaxed jog/walk through the park by our house yesterday. It wasn't that difficult, but it wasn't totally easy either. We went at my slower pace, taking breaks from jogging by gently strolling through the beautiful North Vancouver wilderness. We chatted, shared stories from the day, and I still managed to work up a bit of a sweat. And, having Mark there encouraged me to jog a bit more than I would have if I had been alone. It was wonderful.

We came home, me sweating a bit of a glow and Mark totally unfazed. I did dishes while Mark cooked up a gorgeous seared lemon garlic halibut dinner with roasted potatoes and greens with avocado, pecans, and goat cheese. Delicious! After dinner, I did laundry and Mark napped on the couch until bedtime. It was a delightful evening...I could definitely get used to this sort of lifestyle!

So, here's the plan: Mark and I are going out jogging again today, after we both get home from work. And I'm actually excited about it! Tonight, I'm meeting up with John to discuss my debt. I think I may invite him over to the house and cook for him, though, rather than go out to Raglan's...I just don't have the money for that right now... We'll see what he thinks about that...

Money, money, money...I am in deep need of it. I missed my last credit card payment, and I need to pay my phone bill. *SIgh* but it's okay.... it will all be okay. I just need to relax, take care of myself, work hard, and save my money! I can do this!

More to come tomorrow.

- Heather

Early risin'.

It's 10:31 am and I've already woken up, crawled out of bed, made myself breakfast, showered, dressed, styled my hair and watched an hour of television....whew! Big day so far!

I have decided to get into the habit of getting up earlier in the morning. Once I'm in school, I will have to be up and ready to go by 8 in the morning, so it's probably a good idea to get into the habit now. Plus, I think I'm starting to grow out of that "sleep in 'til noon" phase of my life, and I've discovered that I actually really enjoy my mornings. I like the sun filtering in through my blinds, making myself a healthy breakfast, and actually making use of my day. It feels really good and I'm going to start doing it more often.

Here are my focuses (foci?) for the week:

1) SAVE MONEY! Stupid federal government took money out of my account to pay off my student loans and I was short on my rent. Luckily, my boyfriend is awesome and has agreed to help me out a little bit with money. But, I have some huge expense to deal with in the next week, so the theme for this week is money saving strategies!

I have always had trouble saving money, mostly because I have always been a server and just got used to always having cash on hand. It's a blessing AND a curse, since I now have a horrible tendency to spend money that I don't really have to spend.... uughh! Bless my parents, they are wonderful people, but they never really taught us how to save, spend, and budget our money. I'm trying to figure all these things out for myself, but it's definitely a struggle. And I know that I'm not alone.

So, let's see how I can do this week! My goal is to not spend ANY money (besides necessities, like food and bus fare) and save $200 in tips by the end of next week. I think I can do it!

I will touch base on my money situation in a few days. Tonight, I have choir practice and then karaoke with my brother, his wife, my sister, and a few friends. This weekend will be very busy! We have bridesmaid dress shopping for Sarah's wedding tomorrow and then a BBQ at my place in the evening. Zosia's 1st birthday party is on Saturday, so I need to buy her a gift. And then on Sunday, I am singing a solo in church, so most of my family is coming out to hear me sing :) I might even try to drag Mark out to church too... he could use a little evolutionary Christian spirituality...haha

- Heather

A lot can change in a year.

Wow...

Can you believe that I totally forgot about this blog? It's just another testament to my lack of focus and the way that I've managed to wander through life for the last year. A lot has changed since I first wrote my list of goals last May. I've gone through a bit of an overhaul in terms of where my life is headed and how I feel. I feel....less lost, more driven, and a lot happier.

Since last year, I have checked a few more things off of my list.

1) I found ANOTHER cool new job, here in North Vancouver.

2) I joined a choir! A fantastic church choir where I am able to sing solos and improve my skills.

3) I haven't bought a yoga pass, but I have found a yoga studio close to home, and once I can save some money, I plan to start attending classes once a week.

4) Let's see...how many songs have I written since that blog? Probably close to 5! I'd have to look into it...

5) I did perform in an open mic, about a month ago. I played at a coffee shop on Lonsdale and performed one of my own songs, for the first time. It felt great :)

6) I still don't have my full license, just my learner's license. The plan is to practice driving once Mark fixes up his car.

7) I have definitely minimized my wardrobe and given a lot away to charity, so I would say that I can safely check this one off the list.

8) I've planned for at least one tattoo, but I still can't afford it, or any others for that matter.

9) I still bite my nails. Quitting this habit is very important to me, but I think it has a lot to do with stress. This is something separate that I plan to deal with... (Ayurvedic Adventures to come soon!)

10) I still want to do something really special for Mark. I want to take him on a vacation somewhere, but that all requires money, which I really have none of right now. So, I may have to think of something that I can do for him that is cheap, or free!

So, here's my update. I decided about 6 months ago that I wanted to pursue a career in music. It's what I've always wanted, and I know now that I want to make it a part of my future. So, I applied to a University music program here in North Vancouver, had my audition a few weeks ago, and I was accepted on the spot! I start classes in September and couldn't be happier!

I have a new job at a restaurant here in North Vancouver. The people are great and it's a really fun place to work. It's close to home, and the tips are great, so I'm very happy.

Mark has put a TON of work into renovating our apartment over the last two months. The place looks great, but we still have a lot to do. My brother and his wife arrive today to stay with us for a few days. Speaking of which, I have some cleaning to do before I go to work at 5! I should go...

More bloggin' action to come later!

- Heather